Me and My Plans… Can Get Messy

By this time last year I had most of 2015 mapped out in my head. I felt confident in my direction and my personal goals, and settled with my ministry plan. My plans felt well thought out and reasonable, at least in my head and to my heart.

Did you catch all the I’s and mys?

My plans and goals were well intentioned, primarily other focused and consistent with the direction God had been speaking to my heart.

However, my plans were out of step with God’s plans, will for me, and timing for this season My plans took into consideration my comfort level and my beliefs around needing to perform or achieve in order to earn love and justify my place at the table.

By the time March came and I realized a second shoulder surgery was needed; my plans were already getting messy. I shuffled and re-shuffled and then modified my plans in an effort to stay on target with my goals. When I learned how significant the second surgery was if felt like someone has just dumped my plans on the floor. I didn’t take the news well and battled feeling like I was not holding up my end of the deal with friends and family!

I went to my Papa and cried out Papa please! You know what I want to get done I need your help.

Yes those were actually my words… I need your help!

I meant I needed his help fixing my plan. However, the more I prayed and said I need your help, the more my plans fell apart.

His plan, however, was beginning to become obvious, even to me. He answered my prayer by leading me into a place of helplessness. Instead of empowering me accomplish my goals I was losing my independence and ability to take care of me. It seemed my plan was going in reverse the more I prayed for help.

By early May I had to accept that if I could not care for myself it was, therefore, unrealistic to expect that I could build a ministry helping others. Scaling back was the easy part.

There were only a few ministry functions I maintained. I stopped writing, stepped back from many relationships and non essential commitments. I  started no new mentoring or advocate relationships.

The hard part was accepting I needed help and then allowing others to help me.

In some ways it was obvious I needed help. It’s hard to dress yourself with one arm in a sling to protect from the shoulder further damage. I am stubborn, so I tried doing everything myself. I got stuck in the attempt on more than one occasion. My efforts, at times, left me in precarious positions yelling for help. Today, when I am being foolishly stubborn, my closest friend only needs get my attention as she waves  her hands under her chin looking like a t-Rex stuck in a dress…

I know right way what she means.

I spent eight months struggling to maintain a level of control; which in my mind meant having a plan and being able to do – something, anything to earn my place.

Sometimes old beliefs are hard to break free from, even beliefs based in trauma that keep us from what we need or want.

The messier my plans got the more I prayed and asked for help, until finally without even thinking about my words I asked him to show me his plan because mine was obviously not what he desired for me.

I stopped writing and barely stayed current on social media. Between pain medicine, muscle relaxers, another concussion and medicine for nerve pain even conversations with people I love were difficult.

2015 was NOT the year I planned. It was however the year God intended to help me develop some essential skills. 2015 was a messy year of unplanned and uncomfortable gifts.

My plan would have robbed me of growth and healing. God’s plan initially left me feeling out of control, afraid and helpless. His answer to my prayer for help started with me feeling out of control, scared and being, at times, literally helpless.

Had I remained in charge I would have gotten a lot done, but my accomplishments would hold little value, even to me. Undoubtedly, I may have also unintentionally hurt a few people, along the way.

Thankfully, in both my stubbornness and fear my heart remained surrendered, desiring God’s best above my plans. I therefore grew despite me!

I learned to let those I trust take care of me. I allowed myself to experienced their love for me, despite my inability to “do my part”. I learned not all relationships are equal; even more I learned its okay for people to fit into different places in my heart and practically speaking in my life.

I learned my plans are generally nice but often messy and seldom the best.

I learned to step back and was reminded of how important waiting for God’s timing is. I still need help with somethings, but now I don’t need to earn or prove anything to those who love me.

Perhaps the greatest lesson I learned is the one I already knew. I now understand it with a new level of respect….

Outside of God’s plan and timing my life and my ministry can only end in a mess.

Yes I like approval.I like the feeling of knowing I accomplished something. I like knowing my words have challenged someone to step closer to God. I love to speak and teach about the deep truths and extravagant, limitless love that set me free. I am a preacher at heart.

However, more than all of those likes my heart absolutely needs and craves authentic, transparent and honest God honoring deep relationships.

Nevertheless, outside of God’s plan and timing, for my life, my efforts to fulfill these godly desires will never work or matter. I am learning to rest while I wait which means regardless of my circumstances I have peace.

I asked God to break through my heart so that his, love for me, becomes real to me. I am leaning Grace is deeper, richer and more complete than I will ever fathom.

A year later my life and ministry are not mapped out. I’m now mostly okay not having a plan.

2016 will be a year of continuing to surrender, as I grow in my understanding of grace, and Gods love for me. This will be a year of continuing to learn to allow the people I love and trust to love me back.

As for this ministry I resign!

Instead of me planning or striving to make things happen; which may be the predominate approach to ministry building these days, but isn’t Gods plan….

I am resting while I wait for clear direction. When I have his direction or words I will move, write or speak.

My job is not to plan, build or make things happen.

He has called us to love and follow him. Therefore my job is to grow in my ability to love and to follow which sometimes means stepping back and waiting for Him to move so we can follow.

Sometimes Healing is Easier When We Stay in the Storm

By now, you may have realized I can be a little stubborn!  I also have a strong independent side; which  has become more often than not a deficit.

Both patterns are tied to unhealthy and now largely untrue belief system. Both are also, in their pure surrendered form, part of the gifts God placed with in my heart.

Gifts He placed in my heart for good. Gifts He gave and intended I use to love and build up, not to self destruct, isolate or tear down others.

He placed these and other gifts with in me not “just” to survive, but to move into thriving and then into the kingdom work He created for me.

Earlier in the week I was doing some gardening. Gardening and creating a relaxing atmospheres are hobbies I enjoy. At the start of the day, I had my plan and list of things that needed to get done. I didn’t check the weather when I made my plan.

About half way through the day it started raining. It was a hot day and the rain was slow and steady. I actually like doing yard work in the rain, at least in slow steady rain. I draw the line at torrential down pours and thunder storms. Those storms provide an opportunity to play puddles, but that is object lesson, for another time.

There are benefits to gardening and working in a slow steady rain.

First, no one bothers me, which means I have gift of being left alone, for just a little while.  My ear-buds go in and the volume goes up as I settle into processing, quiet prayer, or just enjoy the rain and one of my favorite hobbies.

Second, there are some tasks that while messier are much easier in the rain.

On this day I planned to take back my shade garden form the encroaching army of poison ivy. In the rain when I pull at the vine, long strands with the roots come out almost effortlessly. Normally they come  in smaller sections, often without the roots and require significantly more effort.
The rain drives the mosquito’s and nats away; which when working in a shade garden is a wonderful relief.

Anything I plant, when it is raining like this, naturally has a better start. If I am moving or breaking up a plant into multiple sections the plant experiences less stress and is able to establish a new root system faster.

There are many advantages to working in this kind of rain – but it is always messy!

As I worked, on this day, I was processing through some painful new information. Information I  prayed, even begged, for years, to know but had accepted knowing, was likely not possible, at least not here.

Getting an answer and understanding my truth, on a deeper level, always brings growth , but like working in the rain – it’s also typically messy, painful or both.

This is the reality and paradox of healing!

In order to heal and grow we must be willing to know our truth, but knowing will rarely be what we expect or wanted. Knowing brings pain as we move through the process of understanding and accepting.

Healing, at times, feels  impossible, consuming, unending and overwhelming. Thankfully our feelings DO NOT define truth or reality.

Often our deepest healing and growth comes at the end of what feels like an unsurvivable messy season.

When we stop fighting and settle into the work, just like gardening, after the pruning, planting and the pulling out of the unhealthy roots – at the right time  new growth bursts into a beautiful display of our hearts and Jesus’s master workmanship.

While often irrational to our intellect, sometimes  processing and the growth that follows, is easier when we allow God to send a slow steady rain.

A rain that heals; while giving us the chance to step aside and take time to rest, as we process and accept what is often a painful truth or ugly part of our past. A past we did not chose and could not control!

A protective rain that causes most people to stay away, giving us the quiet we need; while alerting those we trust and feel safe with to draw closer.
As illogical as it sounds, the healing process is sometimes easier in the rain.

When we chose to fight, run or allow the rain to become an excuse; then when we do settle in and go back to the garden we find the soil harder, dry. cracked and often more difficult to work through.

Love is Not A Weakness – it is Courage at its Finest!

The three hardest emotions for me to untwist, understand truth, and then accept are trust, love and shame. The more people I talk with, the more I realize that these are among the hardest for everyone – regardless of whether you have experienced violence or trauma.

We, as a society have twisted and distorted all three into politically correct, self-serving previsions of truth.

The resulting devastation to individuals, families, and society is seemingly incalculable!
Love, the kind Jesus extends and expects His followers to show, is tough.

Love does not give up, let go, turn its back on, or take the easy road – EVER! Love does not seek uncomplicated,instead love is relentless in the pursuit of what is best.

Love is not about sex, and is never self-serving or judgmental. Real love is courageous enough to refuse to accept a lower standard, and strong enough to admit when it makes a mistake.

People who walk in love strive to resist the temptation to hold the mistakes of others over their head.

Love does not need anything from others. Love is never and can never be earned. Love gives freely and requires no conditions, demands, or expectations to sustain it.

Love looks beyond our mistakes and helps us reach for our best.

Love – Real Godly love creates a safe environment; in which we can risk failure, a safe place to step outside of shame and the safety that enables us to take the risks we need to grow!

It is the only environment that is truly safe enough to risk total trust – the kind we need to stop pretending and admit our weakness and imperfections. And this love is addicting and contagious!

I don’t know how you define love.Nor do I know how well you’re being loved.

However, if your definition or experience of love, does not fit into this description, something needs to change! Because the love I described above, is God’s desire for you.

If you are a Christian and this is NOT how you love others, regardless of how beyond help or offensive you find them….

Then it is time to surrender to God’s molding as you allow Him to teach how to love as He commands. Remember there were two parts to the  Commandment Jesus gave – “Love one another as I have loved you!” Too often we forget or ignore the second part, of his commandment.

Jesus loves us at our absolute worst, and is relentless in His tender loving pursuit of our hearts. He does not give up on us when the work get’s hard, when we are inconvenient, an embarrasement, a mess, too fat, too skinny, too smart, too stupid, too good, too bad….

Because love, or at least Godly love, does not quit!

People will always fail, Jesus never fails! People who have learned to love well, will when we fail or just mess up take ownership of our mistakes and stand by you regardless of who hurt who.

Godly love is what we are all looking for. It takes courage, boldness and a bit of desperation to cast aside the perverted love we all talk about, yet seldomly dare admit is empty and sucking the life out of our dreams.

It takes courage to give and receive Godly love, there is nothing weak, in opening oneself up, to this level of trust or vulnerability. Wanna know one of the coolest truths I have learned?

They only way to actually experience the fullness and richness of life is  to risk learning to love and be loved!

Without Love our Works Are A Mere Bag of Trash, A Clanging Cymball

Sometimes, before I write, I need to step back from a situation and ask God to change my heart; so that my words reflect him, his will and heart not my emotions or ego. I learned the hard way the wisdom of waiting instead of reacting immediately in raw emotion; especially when my feelings are hurt, I am angry or feel betrayed.

 

If righteous anger is added into the mix, stepping back is essential. I need time to prayerfully check my words and heart against biblical precepts and I need time to align my opinions and thoughts with Christ’s. My desire is that in everything I say and do I demonstrate love and hope not betrayal and death. Sometimes showing love means speaking hard truths.

It has become common too for Christians, to use our words and ministries to promote ourselves, our denominations and personal agendas.Too often the unspoken goal of a ministry or outreach is to generate personal gain or promote an ego of the ministry leader. We forget that our words hold the power of life and death and that we are accountable for every word and every deed!

Many Christians today look and act like the world. Sadly it is difficult to find the salt or light in many churches and Christian organizations.
Many seem to think that set apart means we can do whatever we want as long as we have faith, because God just wants us to be happy and be good cheerleaders for Him. The same heart often embraces compromise, deception, greed, ego and even fraud, all for personal gain.

 

I am slow to confront and even slower to anger, not because I am so mature – trust me I am not. My loathing for both is deeply rooted in the scars of my past. I have no shortage of vivid life experiences teaching me how dangerous the choking grip of unfiltered anger and histrionic confrontations are. A friend recently pointed out the irony of hating something God has clearly gifted me in, but maybe that is exactly why He calls me to walk here so often – I have seen firsthand the death that can come from unchecked anger and words uttered in rage which leave gaping holes in hearts. Anger, even righteous anger sends me immediately to Jesus to process and filter my response.

For months, I have watched Christian and non-Christian organizations clanging their anti trafficking cymbals. These organizations have established an impressive industry to counter the trafficking cartels; which is now the fastest growing criminal business in the world. Like so many other social issues millions of dollars are raised, through government grants, selling marketing trinkets, and the donations of people who sincerely want to help.

 

I have also met some amazing, dedicated people and ministries, some who lived in their cars, families that have given up a normal life to love those broken by human trafficking and moms who write letters and stuff freedom bags, so survivors have something when they leave. I have worked with everyday people, who when presented a need, formed prayer chains through the night and reached into their pockets to get a survivor to a safe place.

These people and organizations have servant’s hearts. Their hearts have been so deeply pierced by compassion that they willing forfeit personal comfort, for the opportunity to love the one God placed before them.

 

On the other hand, I have encountered numerous “ministries” who accept grants and collect money, yet safe house don’t open, and suddenly funds dry up when a victim needs support. These ministries take grants and instead of building solutions and meeting actual survivor needs; they pay for studies, build websites, go to meetings and develop programs that accomplish little beyond self promotion. They pay for training but never encounter the people in need. Much of time those trafficking victims never see or directly benefit, from your donations, to ministries like this. Corruption and greed are as rampant in this industry as they and in everyday life. Sometimes I feel like I am working with a Christian mafia.

 

…because the motivation behind many of these organizations is profit and ego, not compassion and certainly not love. If the trail left by our lives and ministries leads no further than our ego, we accomplish nothing, except the wasting of the talents and time entrusted to us by God!

Sadly the anti-trafficking industry looks, from the victim and survivor prospective, nearly identical to the traffickers – both are profiting from our pain.

 

One creates the story while the other sensationalizes and repackage the details for sale to hungry consumers, who just want to clear their consciousness and say they did something to help. Both the trafficker and self indulged ministry are guilty of prostitution. The criminals and pedophiles are just more honest about their intentions than many Christians and do-gooder’s.

 

On the contrary, I am thankful for genuine people whose life and ministry are truly set part and different. They give up their personal comfort on a daily basis, to help the hurting; their love has no requirements or criteria. Their focus and passion is on Christ and serving his people, not building personal earthly kingdoms. The privileged of knowing them inspires and renews my heart and my resolve.

 

These self-serving organizations strut around like peacocks, as if the ones who are helped, should respond in spontaneous worshiped, in appreciation. Do you remember Jesus’ response to the proud peacocks of his day? He informed the Pharisees that those who strut about seeking their reward here will lose their eternal reward. The church overall has become more focused on having ministries, buildings, programs and committees than we are with building a personal relationship with Christ, or loving his people – you know, the whosoever’s in our lives.

Jesus did not come to save our ministries, buildings, programs or committees. He came and willingly gave up his life to save you and me, individually and personally. Because his priority was on loving people not programs! Our priority should also be God first, then loving on another. 

 

 

God is not impressed by our works, it is our faith and the way we love others that impresses Him. When we place doing something above serving and loving people, we are saying to God “Hey look me, do you see what I did, look how big my church is, look at the people I saved, are you impressed with all I do for you!” Yes He sees what you have done, but he also see’s all those hidden things and He alone knows the depth of your hypocrisy. (Luk 12:1-12)

 

In reality you are lifting yourself up, as an idol, above others, sometimes even above God. What God hears and sees, is many of his people standing looking up as they lift the jewel of their good works towards heaven, expecting God to be their cheerleader. And God shouts back “Um did you mean to hand me this bag of trash?” “I’m sure you didn’t, here look it’s filled last night’s smelly fish bones, and dirty diapers. Is that kitty litter I smell?” “Surely you didn’t mean to send this as your offering” “What I desire is your love and surrender heart.

 

This is an example of God’s grace, and when we refuse to accept his grace, He sometimes pours our trash back over our heads, to help us see the danger of our choices. That is an example of his mercy. We could be the best preacher, teacher, healer, organizer, or whatever but if our motivation is anything but love the fruit of our efforts is nothing but noise and smelly old trash to God.

 

We the individuals who make up the church need to regularly invite God to exam our hearts and show us those things, in our lives, that are not his will and do not please him.

Jesus gave one command, love one another, “as I have loved you”. We tend to forget or omit the second part. Instead we tell ourselves that if we build a big impressive program to serve the needy we have loved.

 

Love is not-self focused, it not-self serving or self promoting. Love simply gives without expectation of getting or gaining. Love is not angry and does not boast about self; instead love celebrates the victories and growth of others.

The command is to love as “I have loved you”. Jesus humbled himself, to serve others, even onto death – that is an extravagant, fearless, bold and enduring love!

 

Jesus was moved with compassion at the sight of suffering. His compassion compelled him to action as He served others instead of expecting to be served. When was the last time you washed the feet of those you are called to serve, honor, and protect? Jesus put his love into action as he healed, fed, gave, prayed, listened and loved. Jesus rejoiced with them and delighted in people.

 

When Jesus saw suffering it crushed his spirit and compelled him to stop and turn towards that person, to provide assistance. Jesus never crossed the road to avoid helping another, even an enemy! He loved purposely, lavishly, his compassion was extravagant and he gave everything to help, to heal, to restore and to save. He did not need committees, or programs and buildings.

 

He simply loved and He brought every person who sought him to the father, though he was God he walked humbly, always pointing people to his Father. Jesus had no concern for promoting his name or ministry, he left that to His father.

Do you love the broken, the outcast, the untouchables, your neighbors and enemies with the same love Jesus extends to you?

…Or do judge, and gossip about them? Is your love extravagant and enduring enough to stand with the leper? Is your love strong enough to suffer with a survivor as they heal, or do you keep a record of every little thing they do wrong to prove how awesome and patient you are?

 

Please join me in praying…

For the ministries and churches struggling to hold firmly to the calling and precepts of God. Most are smaller and all are struggling, they need prayer, finances and volunteers. Please also join me in praying that God shake the church and ministries in this nation, that he exposes the hidden things, the fake, the fraud and those that are using his name to re-traffic victims. Pray that in mercy he gives them no rest, until their hearts are rent and broken before him.

 

Pray that He raise up a remnant, those who have remained faithful, and anoints them to speak life to the dry bones in this nation, and to bring hope to the broken. That he protect us as he molds our character and causes our roots and relationship to go deeper into him alone, so that in the days ahead we can stand. Pray that as he exposes the hidden, He judge those who use his name to re-victimize the wounded, pushing them away from their salvation.

 

Pray for a reformation, because it is time for the voices from the wilderness to begin to cry out to the church and say prepare ye the way for the hour is near!
Pray for those survivors looking for help that God would give them wisdom and discernment to avoid the ministries seeking to gain from them. Pray that he creates the divine appointments that lead them to safe, grounded ministries and organizations.

 

 

And please pray for your hearts and the wisdom to look beneath the hype and find the ministries and churches that have real bread, life, love and hope and then pour your time, prayers, money and talents into those ministries who are loving and building up people.
Most of the time they will not be found in the hype, so pray also that you will remain steadfast in finding them.

Peace in Christ,

Hope

Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones and Empty, Shallow Conversations….

Porn Star, Addict, liar, whore, abortion. Stupid, animal, slut, adultery and thief. Casket case, depressed and suicidal. Prostitute, hopeless, murder. Cursed, no good, drunk, and souless. Lover of pain, deserving of punishment, and pervert. Twisted, defiled, and stained.

Leaving

                                       Room

                                                                    For

                                                                                     Dramatic

                                                                                                             Pause

Or the lightening to strike!

Well then since I am still typing God clearly did not strike me down, so let’s talk about conversations.

Want to guess what those words have in common?
o A. Words and labels of things I have done or been called.
o B. Words and labels of things that have been forgiven and restored.
• C. All of the above.

Those words were hard to type, because I don’t think about myself like that anymore. Each word represents what was done to me, and the choices I made to cope. I am no longer defined by those words. Yet who I am is the result of a combination of living through the reality of each word. I wrestled, sometimes endlessly to understand, relearn and heal. As I faced each label in my battle to heal and break free, God pressed something new and deeper into my heart. Those words shape my character, because I chose to grow instead of curling up and dying. They do not, however, define me!

Today words like, mentor, teacher, friend, and parent, Nana, accomplished, conquer, gentle, funny, patient, and rule breaker are some of my labels.

Labels still do not define me, nor do they reflect my worth.

While I love many of my new labels, they are not the words that matter to my heart. My heart needs only three labels.

Forgiven, Blameless, and adopted child of God.

In those three labels are the promise and hope of Christ. If I choose to accept God is who He says, and I believe what I proclaim, then it is impossible for God to lie. Jesus’ says nothing in heaven or on earth will ever pull me away from His love – Nothing!

He promised that every sin I bring to him, with a repented heart is forgiven. He literally chooses to forget it! He said that anyone who believes in him will be saved.

He said anyone, not everyone but me or you, not everyone but those who didn’t have an abortion commit adultery, murder, or whatever your shame is hung up on. He said anyone and everyone, with no restrictions, or limitations. He promises to take every scrap of junk and sin we bring him, and once healed, uses it to build his kingdom.

His kingdom – the kingdom of the only true God, a kingdom that will last forever – built up with our junk, sin and broken pieces placed into his hand!

But to build we must be willing to be vulnerable, to surrender all of our old ugly labels and broken places into God’s hand and then share freely what He does.
Jesus said we are victorious when we share the power of his name through the word of our testimony.

That means we need to move beyond our fears of sticks and stones and dare to enter into real conversations, knowing that as we do we will be hurt, assured that in our pain God will produce the sweetest fruit. We need to boldly enter into conversations which are open, transparent and honest; instead of empty and fake.

I have fought with God many times, and regardless of whether I made a healthy or unhealthy choice Jesus was always faithful and true to every word he spoke and every promise He gave.

Yes I believe what I say, and because I believe His promises I share honestly about my broken places, and hurtful ugly old labels.

And I apologize for every time a Christian made you feel ashamed or afraid to talk about your struggles. Letting you into my heart to know those ugly painful words is not easy – it is raw, causing me to hold my breath and wait for the reaction.

But because I  believe God can not lie, and I trust in His promise, I am compelled to take the risk. Compelled because while I see ugly labels, others will see the promise of God fulfilled, and find hope for their own ugly labels.

When I stood before him oozing in my pain and confusion He did not say “Hope depart from me you are too ugly.”

Instead, He said “Oh my child; you are my beloved, priceless, cherished, and pure. You are my child, and I am unashamed.”

I took a breath and said “okay, but what about all those things I did do you know where I have been?”

The conversation went from shallow to real as Jesus said “I know where you been, and what you done. And I am not ashamed to call you my beloved.”

God is not ashamed or shocked, by our sin and wounds. We have no skeleton or secrets that God did not see, before we were born. And knowing all of those hidden things, He calls those who choose to love him, His  beloved child.

He commands us to love one another, as HE LOVED US. Jesus did not spend much time with the super spiritual, well known religious leaders, or the pious. Typically when he did, he condemned their religious philosophy.

Instead, He spent his time with the untouchables, prostitutes, criminals, poor, sick, and the oppressed and broken. He gave them is full attention and withheld nothing from them.When He was with them He did not shrink back from the rawness of their humanity. He wept for them, interrupted his ministry schedule to listen, heal, teach and comfort – one person. Jesus did not focus on attendance numbers, or any number beyond one. We often become overwhelmed by the numbers and size of our social problems, and we lose sight of the one – causing us to withhold our best.

God expects that after we have allowed him to comfort and heal our brokenness we will take the comfort, and wisdom he gave us, to others, who are suffering. This is impossible without acknowledging we were once broken.

We are to bare or endure and encourage one another in victory and defeat. No where do we see an example of Jesus responding to a hurting person by telling them that their hurt or struggle is inappropriate to talk about. The New Testament is filled with example after example of Jesus seeking out the worst of the worst, the sickest, most broken, desperate and hopeless…

He stopped, turned, heard their heart, and responded with compassion, honesty, extravagant love, forgiveness and hope.

Prostitution, ritual abuse, bestiality, homosexuality, addictions, rape, incest, human trafficking and adultery are among the long list of socially uncomfortable or taboo topics that God openly talks about in the bible. If God is okay talking about tough subjects, his church and his people must learn to come off our lofty comfortable and safe, super spiritual facade and start having open, honest conversations, about our struggles, failures, and broken places.

We are surrounded by hurting people and a generation of youth that are desperate for our honest testimony. Many have given up, even rejected Christ because when they walked through the doors, instead of love and acceptance they found judgment, conditions, and standards established to maintain comfort, not heal or speak of hope. Our churches are full of woman who have had abortions, men who struggle with pornography, teens having sex, and families addicted to activity to avoid the quiet conversations that are needed.

Change is as simple as one person daring to open their heart, share their struggles, and ugly labels, to begin a new deeper, real conversation. A conversation that say’s I know you are drowning in your crap, because I have drowned in my own, I have my own ugly labels and painful words too, and I can confidently say there is hope, because of what I have seen Jesus do.

God is not glorified in our empty shallow conversations, most of the time he is not even included.

Walking with Jesus in NOT supposed to be safe, or comfortable. A surrendered life should be real, raw, and risky. In those three R’s we find a deeper reward, one that is eternal, that tenders the sting of rejection and betrayal we risk. People do not need shallow promises of prosperity or comfortable faith; they need proof that Jesus is able to love them in their mess and the hope that is found in the word of our testimony.

We, the body of Christ, having each been saved from our own messes, are called to be that evidence. Because sticks and stones will break are bones, but empty, shallow conversations cause hearts to perish in the drought of hopelessness.

I am not saying we must share openly with every person we meet, or even share the same level of detail with everyone. God provides and expects us to walk in His wisdom. I am saying it is time to stop pretending and begin a real conversation – one that glorifies God, gives hope to the wounded and builds the kingdom.

I offer you my ugly words and broken places, knowing that some will trample on my heart. It is a calculated risk for me. I open my heart as an example of God’s ability and desire to enter into deep, honest and yes transparent conversations, with you, about your broken ugly places. The potential to see hope grow is greater than my fear of the pain that flows when my vulnerability is betrayed. Transparent is scary but there is freedom, in the rawness of conversation!

Peace In Christ,

Hope